I'm a Pinterest CopyCat!

Twice in one week! How about this??

Ha!

So I have been trying to get myself on the treadmill. Why am I so lazy? I was off today, so I was really looking forward to getting in at least 3 miles today. Well, I was up at 6am, got the kids off to school, and I started cleaning. I cleaned the shower, the toilet, mopped that floor, did the dishes from last night = /, swept all 5 rooms downstairs, cleaned the wood floors, washed a few windows, did some light scrubbing on the living room furniture, picked up and put away lots of odds and ends left around by everyone, and I can't remember what else.

I cleaned (and danced to Pandora!) from 6:30am or so, until about 1:30 when I sat down for lunch. When I was done with lunch, I was planning on getting on the treadmill, and my lower back was crying! I did get on for a bit, but it was NOT the workout that I wanted to have. My back is STILL not right this evening. I really think I would benefit from seeing the chiropractor. I probably should have way back when I started with the hip issues, but I know they didn't take my insurance. We now have different coverage, so it can't hurt to check that out. 

So anyway, I have not been as consistent on the 1 mile a day thing. Yesterday I worked 11 hours, and was dead beat tired when I got home. I ate dinner and fell asleep. I suck.

Ah well, life goes on. All I can do is make it a point to do better tomorrow.

In my post the other day, I had said that I was planning on doing some Pinterest projects. I am a very creative person, and I have been ignoring that part of myself lately. I used to make stuff ALL THE TIME. Then I went back to school, then I got a real job, then I got busier and busier with the kids. I have decided that I deserve to do things to make me happy, and that being creative does that for me. 

Now let me tell ya, I am NOT the creative kind of person that comes up with fab ideas all on my own. I am more of the type who can look at anything and think, ' I can make that.' And I do. I am also the type of person who will do it as cheap as possible! I am a thrifter and a junker! I'm sorry, but I will NOT pay $60 for a sweater, when I can find one similar at the thrift for $4. And name brand, too! So that is going to be what some of my Pinterest CopyCat projects will be. I love checking out blogs where girls do copy outfits from Pinterest or magazines, but it's not helping me out if they are paying $235 for a purse or $100 for a pair of jeans! I'm a real person with real expenses!

I'm all about planning for the holidays, so my first project is a wreath for my door. I fell in LOVE with the one from Pinterest and knew right away that I HAD to have it! 

Here is the comparison!!

 Clearly, a photographer, I am not.

I even used a spotlight on it and everything! I need to do some photo taking research if I'm going to be doing some projects like this!

I stopped off at Michael's and picked up the supplies to do most of this. I did the whole thing for around $17.00!

Here is the breakdown:

24" wreath......$5.49

2 rolls of wired ribbon.....$5.58

9" wooden-type letter.....$3.99

7 red glass bulb ornaments.....$1.25 (thrift store!)

1 can red spray paint.....already had!

I would have done it a little cheaper if I would have had a coupon to use on the wood letter. Michael's and JoAnn Fabrics often put up printable coupons. Lots of times, you can get 40% off one full priced item. I could have knocked $2.50 off the letter because it was the only thing that wasn't on sale. Hey, $2.50 is $2.50. That's an extra-large Dunkin coffee!

I had the red spray paint, but it is usually around $3 a can or less. I also had the green floral wire that I used to put everything on the wreath. It's cheap also!

Best part is, I have more than enough ribbon to make another bow and have more ornaments, so all I would need to buy to make another one for a gift would be the wreath and the letter!

 I absolutely LOVE it! I already hung it on my door even though I don't have any other decorations up yet!

I have one more pic for you. This is an older pic from my phone, but this is what I will be doing tomorrow!

Fruit and a cut up chicken burger. Easy to eat on the go!

 I am done at noon-ish at work, and I need to have something healthy to eat after, so I can hit another thrift store that I heard about in that area. Taco Bell is across the street from my office, but I have to quit going there! I will tell you why at another time. It is my true 'fat person moment', and it was an eye opening moment. Embarrassment at it's finest.

Not sure if I have shared the recipe for my chicken burgers yet, so I will check on that. My MIL made up this recipe, and I make up a TON and freeze them so they are handy for on the go! Recipe to come soon....I am running low on them, so I will be making more!

M.I.A.

Yes. I have been missing. I have been missing from this blog and my Facebook page, missing from my healthy journey, and in some ways, I have been missing from myself. My whole purpose of making this blog was to be able to keep myself accountable in my running and exercising, and to have a place to share recipes and food ideas, and well, I have been failing at all of the above. My previous posts have been about my stupid hip injury and whining about not being able to run. I have taken a wrong turn somewhere and I'm not sure how to get back on track. I have been eating like shit and feeling like shit. And amazingly, my weight has been staying the same! Sort of. I've been staying within the same 5 pounds (up and down, but mostly up), but I have noticed that I am MUCH MUCH more flabby feeling. Ugh. I hate flab! I'm pretty sure my saddlebags have packed on a nice layer of winter flubber in the last month. Not that I was very muscular before, but I sure can tell the difference now.

I can not decide which path I want to go on. Do I go back to the 17 day diet? It wasn't too bad for me to follow, and I ended up losing 12 or 13 pounds that first 17 day cycle. Do I try to go back to clean eating? I wasn't losing ANY weight on the scale when I was going with that way of eating, but I did notice a difference with that way, too. I do know one thing- every time I even THINK about cutting sweets and junk from my diet, I feel a binge coming on! And I am constantly and forever telling myself that I will start tomorrow. I will eat better tomorrow. I will start my diet tomorrow. Mostly I am saying that right before I am about to stuff my face with some sort of junk.

So anyway, this blog was supposed to be about my journey to fit by the time I turn 40- which is now 326 days from now. My 39th birthday came and went without me doing anything to get back on track. I have lost the whole month of October in this journey. I hadn't really realized what threw me so far off, but I have been thinking about it a lot lately. I think I know what started it all.

About a month ago (timing, right?), I had a bad day at work. Truth be told, I didn't have the bad day that day. The doc that I was working with had the bad day. Several of us had even heard her tell another doc that she was so irritated with herself, she could hardly stand herself. PMS, anyone? So, anyway, there were 3 incidents that day that I was involved with (quite indirectly involved, might I add) and Doc was just downright feeling like being a bitch that day. She threw me under the bus to a patient, blamed me for not finding a mistake that someone else had made weeks before, and was seeming like she was going to go after one of the sono techs for no reason. She was just outright being a bitch. I KNEW at the end of the day, she was running to the office manager about me, and possibly the sono tech. I went home and was sort of laughing about it. Seriously, there was no way that any of it could be blamed on me, because it was all minor stuff anyway, and she was just plain in the wrong. I felt pretty sure about my place in the office, so I was not worried. I ended up going to the office manager the next afternoon to kind of explain things out a little, mostly because I did not want the sono tech to get in trouble b/c the doc was being pissy.

Let me just say, my eyes were OPENED in that meeting. Office manager (OM) was NOT interested in anything I had to say. I explained out every little incident, tried to make her understand that yes, maybe I should have caught others mistakes, but it's not always possible, etc. I was met with a stone cold wall of ice. Never in my life have I been treated like I was being looked down on like that by a boss. She did not like me saying that the Doc was wrong. And dumb ass me- I KNOW they are like BFF's, so I should have just kept my mouth shut. But, noooooo....She told me that if I had a problem in the office, I should come to her, and I had not, so she was unaware that I was having problems. I then pointed out to her that she told me I was up for a raise back in MARCH- and nothing ever came of that- and that I had been with the company for 14 months at that point and I not only didn't see a six month raise, I hadn't seen a yearly raise either. Both of which were part of their standard practice. I also reminded her that I had mentioned my hours had been cut, and I was second in line seniority-wise and I would appreciate getting my hours back- which never happened. I told her I noticed that the last hired co-worker of mine has seemed to rank first in hours, and I didn't know why, but I noticed that she is much more friendly to HER than the rest of us girls. Finally I told her that I noticed that there was a definite divide between the front office girls (where she works) and the back office girls (where I work w/the docs) and it was fine if she wanted to run her office divided. 

Okay. So OM was NOT very happy with my observations. lol I could tell from the get-go in that meeting, that I was the underdog, and no matter what I said, I was going to be wrong. So I put it all out there. And she did not like one word of it. Have you ever helpless? I mean REALLY REALLY helpless, where no matter what you do or what you say, you know it is going to end badly for you? That was me. I felt like I went into that meeting thinking I was going to stick my neck out for a co-worker who might have been misunderstood, and I ended up feeling like my neck was out there just a little too far. Kind of like I had stretched it right over the chopping block and was just waiting for the axe to fall.

OM kind of really didn't have any explanations/excuses for me about the raise thing or the cut hours thing- I seriously thing she forgot she told me that! But she was not going to admit it. Well played. She just went on to saying that she didn't think I was happy there (against my protests about how much I LOVE my job!) and that if I REALLY looked deep inside myself that I would see that maybe this job was not for me. She told me that she felt I had confidence issues and that she could tell that I was really not a happy person. She said I was unfriendly, had an attitude around the office, and attitude with her, not willing to help out around the office, I did not update charts, etc.-she pretty much pointed out EVERY SINGLE MISTAKE that I had made from the beginning-even ones I had made as a newbie. But 6 months ago, I was up for a raise??? When I questioned her about that, she did not answer. I knew what she was doing. I was bawling by then (and I STILL start to cry even now reliving the whole thing) and she just sat there being a stone faced bitch. She said that we would have to wait and see if this was the right place for me and that after awhile, the matter of a raise will be reconsidered. STILL- I wanted to know WHAT HAPPENED TO MY RAISE in MARCH?? She intended to shut me up and put me in my place because she did not have any answers for me. And it worked.

I walked out of that office that day feeling like I was pea-sized. She set out to crush me, and she did. If nothing else, I have ALWAYS had confidence in my professional self. I am NOT unfriendly and I told her that HER office girls walk in right past ALL of us back office girls and never say good morning unless we say it first. I told her that yes, maybe I seemed a bit unfriendly toward HER, but only because she seemed to totally ignore every single thing I have come to her about! And I ALWAYS help out around the office! Trust me- I did nothing that WHOLE weekend but straight out obsess over every single interaction with the NP's and Docs that I could possibly remember in the past year. I seriously beat myself up and down over the whole thing. I ended up tracing some things back to that one doc and possibly one of the NP's who I loved, but sometimes got the feeling that she didn't love me so much. I immediately unfriended everyone in my office on FB but for one co-worker that I really trust. I just could NOT stop thinking that everyone was talking about me and what an unfriendly, and shitty worker I was. I have never had anyone turn me into such a headcase like that. Never.

I had 2 choices. I could either suck it up and hold my head up and kiss major ass every single day, or I could quit the best job I had ever had. Either way, I was gonna hate it. I decided that I would go in there, grit my teeth, and play all 'unicorns and rainbows' from then on out. I made it a major point to go around to the WHOLE office and tell every single person 'Good Morning' and also 'Good Night'. Every single one. Every single day. And I still do. Do they make it a point to come to the back and tell US good morning and good night? No. So whatever. I talk to the OM like we never had words and act like I really like her (NOT) and I compliment her on her (slutty for office standards) outfits. When I work with that doc, I majorly kiss ass. And I don't think it was any coincidence that the week after our 'bad day', she came down with some inner ear infection that makes her dizzy and nauseous and could affect her for up to 6 weeks! HA! 

I call that KARMA, baby!!!

Things have seemed to go better for the last few weeks. I know that sometimes I did not make an effort to seem like i was interested in some of the front office girls. Now I make the effort- even though most do not reciprocate. Big surprise.

And finally- FINALLY- I will be seeing a return for all of the ass kissing.OM sat down with me the other day and told me that in the last few weeks, she has noticed a big difference in my attitude around the office and my attitude toward her and that some of the other NP's have also noticed. That she was happy that we had our 'discussion' and appreciates that I am putting forth an 'effort' and that I will see a raise on my next pay.

I thanked her and smiled, and bit my tongue and let her affectionately squeeze my shoulder like we are friends because I deserve my damn raise. Gag.

And I call bullshit.

#1. No other NP's have noticed a difference and told her that I am so much nicer. I have discussed the conversation with my NP's b/c I work with THEM. Not with HER. They were shocked that she said such things about me because I do a great job helping them out AND trying to look out for them.  I even confided in one of the other docs. She indicated that she was aware of what happened (b/c NOTHING is private in that office) and gave me a look of pity and told me to hang in there because I do a 'stellar' job :)  The NP that I might be suspicious about took another job- so she is only there once a week now and I have yet to work with her again. I KNOW she didn't say anything about noticing a change in my attitude and efforts.

#2. The words I underlined previously- toward her- now THOSE words spoke volumes to me. It was confirmation enough for me that HER whole attitude toward me was because I was not kissing her ass!! And I know better! I knew from day one that she runs that office. The main doc does not want to involve herself in the office end of things. So I knew that everything in the office had to go through OM. So basically, if she don't like you- you are shit out of luck. I knew a long time ago that she did not view me as 'front office worthy'. I think I did mention that to her in our original conversation. I don't think she liked how I put that either :) I did my training for school in this office, so I have been trained in all aspects of this office as part of my schooling. It doesn't matter how many times I offer to help work up there by answering phones, checking in, etc., it is never going to happen. They have needed help before, and I have offered, but it's a no go. So be it.

#3. I am not only getting a raise, but I am getting a raise that TOTALS the amount that I should have been given at my 6 months, ALONG WITH the amount I should have been given at a year. Hmmmm....perhaps she doesn't think I can do math. I mean seriously, what does it take to get someone to apologize and admit they might have made a mistake??

So yeah. I have been a little out of sorts for the last month or so. I felt belittled, unappreciated, and ignored. My confidence was shattered. And somewhere in there, I gave up.
Now, I'm not saying that it is all my OM's fault that I gave up on myself. That is completely and totally something that I claim full responsibility for. BUT- the fact that I sat there and listened to her say confidence- crushing things to me and about me, even though I knew she was only doing it to break my spirit- it STILL did just that. It broke my spirit. And that made me realize something else.
The fact that I was able to quit so easily after being degraded by someone I work with, made me realize how difficult it is for one to stick to a program without having the support of the people you love and depend on.

I love my husband, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I wish he was a little more supportive of my efforts. I would even appreciate it more if he were to actually JOIN ME in my efforts. But alas, he is a hard head, and he is not going to do anything that he feels he is being FORCED to do. Still, he is somewhat supportive. When I told him that I had a goal of 100 miles in the month of August, he did make an effort at times to make sure I had time to get my run in on some of the days with busy kids schedules.
There really are many out there that DON"T have support. We all need to support each OTHER, because we know what it is like to have to make a decision between seeing a change on the scale or in our clothes that week, and deciding to eat that Klondike Bar- which I shamefully just did.
So I jumped on the treadmill and got a mile and a half in. It has been awhile since I have even touched my tready, but it felt good! I took it somewhat slow, and my hip is feeling fine! I have been so scared about it because every time I have run  in the last 2 months, it has been with pain. Maybe my fall off the wagon has benefited me in some ways. Time will tell. I am going to recommit to my running. I don't want to push myself too hard, but I am going to try for at least 1 mile every day for the rest of the month. Some days I may get more in, but for getting back into it, one mile sounds reasonable.Wish me luck!
Also, in order to keep me continuing on this journey, I am going to be tapping into my more creative side. I am highly addicted to Pinterest, and I will be doing some Pinterest-inspired projects and outfits! Every one wants to look goooood in their clothes, so I have something to work toward! I'll post again soon because I have already begun to work on some things! 

An Apple a Day....

Still here and still nursing this stupid hip. It has been feeling better at times, and then I go for a run because I am literally DYING here being off the trail. I don't know when I will get this simple equation-

Hip + Running = Pain

Every dang time.

There was a point the other day when it was feeling pretty good, and then I stepped in a pile of dog vomit, in my dining room, which made me jerk my leg up and resulted in renewed pain in that left hip. Nice. Who fed that dog pieces of....apple? Oh, yeah. That would have been me.

I guess even though I LOVE apples, I should not be feeding them to my MBF (Man's Best Friend), Matty. She couldn't resist them since they were what was left of my son's dish of fresh apple pie. For once, Mom was not the clean up crew.

Anyhow, we have a friend who built his log home on an apple orchard. We actually live on the property of an old apple orchard, but our trees have not been taken care of for years, and you have to search for decent apples to use here. Our friend, however, has a few rows of trees left that he did not clear out when building, and he keeps them mowed around and somewhat trimmed. That results in wonderful glorious baskets of free apples for us! I had a laundry basket of apples that I had picked and decided to make apple sauce out of some of them!

   

They may not be beautiful and perfect, but these babies are organic!

First of all, let me express just how much I hate to peel apples. 

It is a lot.

I will sometimes bargain with my husband that if he peels the apples, I will make the crust and put the pie together. Sometime I win. Sometimes not.

I decided that there was no way in Hell I would use up this basket of apples if I did not go out and buy an apple peeler/ corer. 

The local fruit farm had them for $21.00!

 So well worth the money!!

  

It clamps onto the counter and you stick the apple on the prongs and crank the handle.

Wa-LAH!

 

It peels the skin and spiral slices the apple from around the core. You can see the cores in the pan in that picture. It is a true treasure to behold! My mother always had one when I was a kid. I don't know why it took me almost 39 years to buy one myself!

Peels and cores an apple in 10 seconds flat.

 

Even the kids will love the new 'toy' and will BEG to help you in the kitchen!

 

 

So anyway, I used 12 lbs of apples for one batch. Put them in a BIG pot and covered and cooked them for 10 minutes or until they started to get soft. I then took the lid off and continued to cook them and mash them. I added like 1/3 cup of sugar for the whole pot. I should have made it unsweetened, but I was not sure my family would eat much of it if it was not a little sweet. I also added cinnamon and a little sprinkle of nutmeg. I left my sauce fairly chunky. I just prefer it that way. It tastes a little less like baby food to me.

I did most of my mashing with a wooden potato masher that I have, but I also put my stick blender in the pot a few times to break up a lot of chunks.
 

I then prepared my jars and lids and filled them with the fresh hot sauce!

I used the skewer to run up and down the side of the jars to eliminate air bubbles. I processed them in a boiling water bath for 20 minutes and they are sealed and stocked on my basement shelves! I got 7 jars of sauce from my first batch and only 6 from the second because I promised my son that I would leave some out to eat. It is sooooo good!

We are planning to go pick again tomorrow and I will probably make another batch or two of sauce and maybe even can some apple slices for pies for later in the winter. I have never tried those before, but they sure sound like a good option!

Oh! Good news!

I think I am bringing my treadmill home later this week! I am so excited, but I have to do some furniture shifting in order to get it where I want it. It is extremely large but it is beautiful! Can't wait!! I'm praying that the softer surface will be more favorable on my hip while it continues to get better. I am so tempted to go out running on these nice sunny cool days, but I know I need to take it easy. I have only been running every 3-5 days. My goal for the rest of the month:

Get better

and 

Run on!

I Let it Run Me Over....

Serious confession time.
I have fallen off the wagon and it has pretty much run  me over;.
It has been exactly 10 days since I have made it to the trail. I just counted that out and I could SWEAR it has been a lot longer. It feels like forever.
Excuses.
I am not willing to accept that I kind of actually have a REASON for not being on the trail, but I kind of DON'T have a reason. It went a little something like this:
I mentioned that my hip has still been giving me problems. I would pop an 800 mg Advil and go on with it.
That is what I thought I was doing. In actuality, I was popping them like Tic Tacs because I was walking how my friend was walking when she needed a knee replacement. In my case, it was my hip. Have you ever watched someone walk with that big gimping gait? I was close to it- unless I was hopped up on something to take away the pain. It was to the point that I would actually wake up in the middle of the night because I needed to shift my leg a little because my hip hurt so bad. I have a high pain tolerance, so I thought nothing of it. I started to realize that it wasn't really okay to take so much Advil all the time, so probably around the time I wrote my last post, I decided to take a few days off. I was pretty sure it wasn't a muscular kind of pain, because it was deep- like in my hip socket kind of deep. One of the NP's at work is also a college track coach assistant and I was jokingly telling her that I had bursitis of the hip. She asked me a few questions- does it hurt when you walk? Yeah. Does it hurt when you lay on it? Yep.When you stand alone on that leg? Uh huh. That was self diagnosis enough for me. She was not trying to diagnose me, but she could tell that I was walking different at different points of the day (i.e. when my Advil was wearing off). So anyhow, I gave it a few days. I guess I expected it to get better in like 2 days, and when it didn't, I was surrendering myself to the idea that I would never be able to run again without pain. That idea caused me to fall back on my usual way to cope- eat. I was still fixing good meals, but my problem is always snacking. Mostly chocolate. And things with icing. My son's birthday last weekend. He suggested one of those pan sized cookies decorated with icing. I jumped right on it! And I proceeded to eat probably half of it by myself. Then I took them to DQ for Blizzards the next day. And then again 2 days later. Donuts at work.....
Holy Hell.
I'm lucky I did not gain 10 pounds!
All the while, still pain and still popping Advil.
This hip is never going to get better!
It has been a loooong 10 days.
And then I went to get out of bed this morning. Stood up and braced myself for that first few really gimpy steps.....there were none. And then I realized that I had not been woken by hip pain for the past 2 nights, and that I had not even taken any Advil for the last day and a half! Finally there is light at the end of the tunnel!!
So this whole time that I have been beating myself up over this hip thing, and feeling like I really needed to rest it, and when I was resting it, it was not getting better fast enough for me, and I felt like I really should just pop some pills and run it out, but I was afraid to for fear of injuring it worse, so I let myself go a bit overboard with the sweets....I need to stop, take a deep breath, and
refocus.
I don't want to totally scrap my goals for the month, but realistically, I know I can not make 125 miles by the end. Every dang day I feel guilty about not going for my run. I have worked more hours in the past 2 weeks, so I am not having as much time in the evenings with having to pick kids up from football, having to make dinner, etc. When I had a goal to reach, I didn't have much problem with making my runs priority. I know I have lost focus and I need to get it back.
The scale was not moving much before, but I have gained 3 of those pounds back in the last 10 days. Not a big surprise with what I have been snacking on. Like I said, my meals have been good. I have been doing food prep and pretty much sticking to chicken burgers, turkey meatloaf,  and veggies for lunches and dinners.
These are chicken burgers and yam fries that I made the other day- yum!

And I even got on a muffin making kick on Sunday- they were clean recipes.

 

 I need to figure out how to get back on track. Just because I can't exercise, I can't let that be an excuse to pig out. There are bound to be times when I won't be able to exercise, so I need to be able to not throw all my hard work away in a few days of binging! I am going to have to work on getting the treadmill that my friend is going to let me buy. It is amazing how just 10 days of not running and 3 pounds can make a girl feel like a fat sausage.

Frozen Banana Bliss

I am certainly not the inventor of this idea, but oh my, I will definitely brag about it!

A while back, I came across a 'clean' way to make a substitute for ice cream. You take bananas and freeze them and when processed in a food processor, they have a consistency closely resembling a soft serve ice cream.

I have used this method to make peanut butter banana frozen stuff, and also chocolate banana or chocolate peanut butter banana. Y.U.M.

Today I came across a blog called The Gracious Pantry.

I am in love with this woman and her kitchen creativeness!

She had a recipe for Clean Eating Cherry Almond Ice Cream.

I was immediately intrigued.

I have this bad (good) habit of buying too much when it comes to fruit sometimes. I try not to eat too much of it because of the natural sugar content, so I either have to put it in the freezer or it will go bad in my refrigerator. I have let far too many things perish because I did not get it in the freezer soon enough. So as a result, I have baggies of frozen cherries, strawberries, blueberries, and I also peel and freeze bananas almost every time I buy a bunch. Some weeks the bananas don't last 2 days because the boys get a craving for them, and some weeks I have to freeze 4 or 5 bananas at a time because no one will touch them. I like to have a small variety of fruits for the boys to choose from, but I hate it when things go bad  I will admit- whereas I love banana flavored things, I do not love raw bananas. I am okay with them mixed in things, but I can't remember the last time I peeled one and ate it.

I knew I had the ingredients to make a similar dessert as the one I found. I had 3 frozen bananas and threw them in the processor with what looked like a 1-1.5 cups of cherries that I had pitted and frozen. I also used 1/8 tsp of almond extract, but probably could have used the whole 1/4 tsp that the recipe called for. The result?

 

Mmmmmm...cherry-banana goodness!

I offered some to my husband (who always refused offers of my other banana concoctions) and he actually ate it. Didn't say either way if he loved it or not, but he ate it.

I have discovered that I can not take part in this delightful dessert very often. Eating bananas like this always leaves my mouth a little sore. I noticed it the last time I had made something similar and I ate it two nights in a row. My mouth was sore for another two days. So, no go on the banana anything for another few days now.

But seriously. It's delicious.

On to other matters....

I still have not set my goals for the month of September. At first I thought I was going to aim for 150 miles and be worked up to running 10 miles at a time. I am second guessing that now and I really think I need to dial it back a little. Not only because I am chicken to shoot for something that big, but because I think I need to get myself conditioned better for 6 and 7 milers. I went out on Saturday morning thinking I was going to get an easy 5 in, but I never hit that 'zone' that lets me forget about stuff and just run. I ended up cutting it to 3 because I was struggling. I had no concentration, the boys had to be up in an hour to get ready for football (one had practice and one had a game), and I had to be back in time to make sure they got where they needed to be on time. Sure, my husband was home, and he could have gotten them up and to the school, but I am a bit of a control freak about stuff. I have to work on that someday. :-)

So Saturday was a crappy run. Sunday I was fully ready to give it my all because I did not have anything planned at a certain time. I went out to run 7, but only ended up running 5 1/2 and then walking the rest out. Ugh. I should not be upset with myself about it, but I sort of am. My left hip is still bothering me. It has been for some time now. I'm not sure what exactly is making it hurt, but I'm dealing with it. It was really flared up when I did my 3 day stint of 6 plus miles last week. So, for that reason alone, I feel like I should just work on my conditioning this month for the longer runs. I was just doing some calculations, and I feel like I should set my goals for 125 miles and keep my runs to 5-7 miles each when possible. I already have 10 miles in, so I'm off to a good start. 

One last little note:

We were going to a friend's party yesterday, and I wanted to pick up a new pair of capri's to wear. I brought a (hopeful) size 14 into the fitting room along with a (standard) size 16. I tried on both, and although the 14's were slightly snug, they were made from that wonderful stretchy denim (best stuff ever!) so I knew I could get away with those! They were mostly just snug across my hips and not as much in the thighs so I didn't look like a completely stuffed sausage :-) I was happy to be able to squeeze into the 14's again. I do hate buying clothes right now because I do not expect to be wearing these sizes next year! I will get another month or two out of capri's, and they were $9 on clearance, so yeah. I needed them.

Anyone else set goals every month? If so, what kind of goals do you set?

GOAL!!!

I have done it! 

101 miles in the month of August!

I went out yesterday with the hopes that after running 6 miles on Tuesday, I would be able to at least run 4. My knee area muscles were better, but my quads were still a little angry with me :)

Again, when I started out, I was feeling a little rusty, and had to talk myself into continuing no matter how I felt. Once I got past the first mile to mile and a half, I settled in and just kept running! I ended up running 7  yesterday! I was so proud of myself and I really understood that my first 6 miles on Tuesday were not some kind of fluke!

I had 7 left to do today and was really feeling it this morning. I walked a half first, to see what shape my legs were in, and then started running, I ended up running 7 again and then walked the last 1/2. Today was definitely a struggle. I REALLY should have taken a day off instead of doing 3 days of distance in a row that I am not used to doing, but tomorrow is the last day of the month and I have work in the morning and my sons football game in the evening. I was not sure I would be able to get any miles in, so today it had to be!

Tomorrow is rest day for sure. I will try to get out Saturday again to start my new month!

I have only lost 4 pounds this entire month- even with ALL of that exercise I was doing! 2 of those pounds just recently came off. It has been discouraging, to say the least, but I stuck with it. I knew I was building muscle, but it didn't help to not see the scale move. In the last week, I have been noticing changes in my legs. I have always had thunder thighs (even when I was younger, my thighs were a bit bigger/muscular). As of late, my thighs have been less muscle, more jiggle. I'm sure it's not apparent to most, but I can see more muscle definition in my thighs and calves now. Even if the scale is not moving, I still will be!

I started using myfitnesspal also, 2 weeks ago. I have realized that in my attempts to eat mostly clean, and burning up so many calories with my miles, I was undercutting my daily calories by a TON. I'm pretty sure (and really hoping) that is the reason I have not lost much yet. It's still trial and error at this point, but I'll work it all out.

Anyway, back to my major accomplishment :-D

As I sit here ( with a bag of frozen corn on one knee and a bag of frozen green beans on the other) I have realized a few things. 1.) We will be having green beans and corn for the next 2 days.  2.) I had pretty much skipped most of the c25k program and went straight to 10k!  3.) I have no doubts that I will be able to accomplish any distance that I set my mind to now! I am now totally obsessed with trying to see how far I can really push myself now! Once I got going today, I had to literally talk myself out of trying to run 8 today. My legs desperately need a recovery day! I really would have preferred to skip today to rest them and finish tomorrow, but I didn't want to chance not making my deadline.
No matter now. I have accomplished this goal and now I'm on to deciding next month's goals!
For now, this is where I will be!

Final Week Push- And Then Some!!

Final week! 

I have been striving to run/walk 100 miles in the month of August, and I only have a few days left!

86 miles!!!

I can hardly believe that I have gotten that many in!

It has been an interesting month. I have gone from excitement about my goal, to feeling more like I 'have to' keep up with the miles, to feeling like I finally get that fact that I need to make my 'me time' a priority!

Of course, being a mom, it's not always JUST 'me time'...

 

I've had some company along the way : )

 

My Gannon- sometimes he acts as my pace car! lol

 We have seen some pretty cool things, too. In this picture, you can see the 2 baby fawns that were hanging out along the trail the other evening.

Okay, so here is where shit gets real. I have a confession to make. 

In all of these miles I have done, I have not been running much. I know I have admitted that before, but I REALLY need to stress the fact that I have walked most of it. Mostly I have been doing 4- 6 miles each time I have gone out, and I have only ran a full mile (straight through) a handful of times. I have mostly been running a little, then walking A LOT, running a little, walking A LOT, etc. I totally know that the problem is NOT my muscles, nor is it my lack of endurance.

Well, I did not fully know that until today :-) I have known for awhile, that on some level, I have been sabotaging myself. I will get just a little way into a running interval, and then I will start to come up with reasons why I should just walk. 'It's too humid out', 'My ankle has a twinge in it- I don't want to injure myself', ' I worked all day and I shouldn't expect my body to be able to do this now'.....I have TONS of reasons why I should not be running at that point. 

Anyway- I was off work today. I had plans to run/walk 8 miles because I have to try to get the rest in by Thursday. I decided on my way out, that since I had no kid to distract me with his bike antics, and the trail is fairly deserted in the mornings, I was going to run- yes RUN- at LEAST a mile before I let myself walk. I know I could do at least that, but I have not pushed myself out of my comfort zone in quite some time. I started running and within a few minutes, the excuses started popping into my head. Ankle twinge, couldn't get set on my breathing, my hip was feeling sluggish, etc. It amazes me sometimes, just how wimpy I am!

I kept having to tell myself- Not today. You are NOT going to quit today. You are going to get to that mile!

 The first 3/4 of it was a definite struggle, but then my breathing finally settled in, and I think my Advil 800 started kicking in, too! lol I started telling myself that I really didn't feel that bad and I could try for 2 miles! Once I got past 1, I was just counting the 1/4 mile hash marks, just chugging along until I got the 2 in, so I could walk. Funny thing is- by the time I got to the 2 mile mark, I was feeling good, so I kept jogging! I had finally pushed myself out of my comfort zone and was feeling fine! I used to be a distance runner when I was younger- like Jr. high younger. I know what if feels like to settle into that groove where you don't have to concentrate on your breathing any longer because it just comes naturally, and the point where you no longer feel every little discomfort in your legs- you can hardly feel them anymore because they are just doing their job- pumping back and forth, propelling you along. I hit that point around the 2 mile mark, so I figured I would jog out 3 if I could. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I was wondering if it would be impossible to go for 4? Aaannnnndddd.....

then I did. I hit the 4 mile marker with a smile on my face. And I kept going :-) I jogged along to the 5 mile marker and I was remembering the Biggest Loser episode that the really heavy Italian guy, Michael, was on the treadmill and he was going to stop at 3, but Bob told him to keep going. Michael kept going, and when he got to the 5 mile point, they all cheered him and he broke down and cried because he never would have dreamed that he could run that far at the weight he was.

That was totally me at the moment I got to 5 miles. I had the biggest smile on my face and a tear came to my eye. And still, I kept going!

I almost didn't want to stop at the 6, because I had gotten that far, there was no reason why I couldn't just jog the whole 8? As soon as I stopped, I knew the reason why- I dang near fell on my face!

Ahhh, yes. I remembered THAT feeling, also! The feeling that you get when you run your race as fast as you can, and kick it in as hard as you can for the last bit to cross that finish line and then pretty much almost fall down due to sheer muscle exhaustion? I had that! It was not from running fast, but from running further than I ever had in my life-so far :-) Did you read that??

FURTHER THAN I HAD EVER RAN IN MY LIFE.

SO FAR!

At that point, I wasn't sure I would even be able to walk the last 2 miles back to the car, but I stood there for a few minutes, stretched a little, and then was able to get back fine. It gave me plenty of time to revel in the feeling of accomplishment that I had, and also time to wonder if I should have just went for jogging the whole 8 miles. I know it was smart to stop at that point- I am feeling it deeply tonight! lol The worst ache I have is right along the lower outsides of my knees. And I don't blame them!

I also had the complete realization that my failure to run further than a mile on previous attempts was absolutely due to the fact that I was unwilling to get uncomfortable and push myself. Yes, I have had to be concerned about injury, because of my size and because I did not want anything to get in the way of accomplishing my goal this month. I fully know that there is no reason that I could not have pushed myself harder. My failure was in my brain- not in my body. 

I doubt that I will be running anything CLOSE to 6 miles tomorrow, but I have it on schedule to do 7 both days so I can be done on Thursday!!

Stay tuned!