Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I Let it Run Me Over....

Serious confession time.
I have fallen off the wagon and it has pretty much run  me over;.
It has been exactly 10 days since I have made it to the trail. I just counted that out and I could SWEAR it has been a lot longer. It feels like forever.
I am not willing to accept that I kind of actually have a REASON for not being on the trail, but I kind of DON'T have a reason. It went a little something like this:
I mentioned that my hip has still been giving me problems. I would pop an 800 mg Advil and go on with it.
That is what I thought I was doing. In actuality, I was popping them like Tic Tacs because I was walking how my friend was walking when she needed a knee replacement. In my case, it was my hip. Have you ever watched someone walk with that big gimping gait? I was close to it- unless I was hopped up on something to take away the pain. It was to the point that I would actually wake up in the middle of the night because I needed to shift my leg a little because my hip hurt so bad. I have a high pain tolerance, so I thought nothing of it. I started to realize that it wasn't really okay to take so much Advil all the time, so probably around the time I wrote my last post, I decided to take a few days off. I was pretty sure it wasn't a muscular kind of pain, because it was deep- like in my hip socket kind of deep. One of the NP's at work is also a college track coach assistant and I was jokingly telling her that I had bursitis of the hip. She asked me a few questions- does it hurt when you walk? Yeah. Does it hurt when you lay on it? Yep.When you stand alone on that leg? Uh huh. That was self diagnosis enough for me. She was not trying to diagnose me, but she could tell that I was walking different at different points of the day (i.e. when my Advil was wearing off). So anyhow, I gave it a few days. I guess I expected it to get better in like 2 days, and when it didn't, I was surrendering myself to the idea that I would never be able to run again without pain. That idea caused me to fall back on my usual way to cope- eat. I was still fixing good meals, but my problem is always snacking. Mostly chocolate. And things with icing. My son's birthday last weekend. He suggested one of those pan sized cookies decorated with icing. I jumped right on it! And I proceeded to eat probably half of it by myself. Then I took them to DQ for Blizzards the next day. And then again 2 days later. Donuts at work.....
Holy Hell.
I'm lucky I did not gain 10 pounds!
All the while, still pain and still popping Advil.
This hip is never going to get better!
It has been a loooong 10 days.
And then I went to get out of bed this morning. Stood up and braced myself for that first few really gimpy steps.....there were none. And then I realized that I had not been woken by hip pain for the past 2 nights, and that I had not even taken any Advil for the last day and a half! Finally there is light at the end of the tunnel!!
So this whole time that I have been beating myself up over this hip thing, and feeling like I really needed to rest it, and when I was resting it, it was not getting better fast enough for me, and I felt like I really should just pop some pills and run it out, but I was afraid to for fear of injuring it worse, so I let myself go a bit overboard with the sweets....I need to stop, take a deep breath, and
I don't want to totally scrap my goals for the month, but realistically, I know I can not make 125 miles by the end. Every dang day I feel guilty about not going for my run. I have worked more hours in the past 2 weeks, so I am not having as much time in the evenings with having to pick kids up from football, having to make dinner, etc. When I had a goal to reach, I didn't have much problem with making my runs priority. I know I have lost focus and I need to get it back.
The scale was not moving much before, but I have gained 3 of those pounds back in the last 10 days. Not a big surprise with what I have been snacking on. Like I said, my meals have been good. I have been doing food prep and pretty much sticking to chicken burgers, turkey meatloaf,  and veggies for lunches and dinners.
These are chicken burgers and yam fries that I made the other day- yum!
And I even got on a muffin making kick on Sunday- they were clean recipes.

 I need to figure out how to get back on track. Just because I can't exercise, I can't let that be an excuse to pig out. There are bound to be times when I won't be able to exercise, so I need to be able to not throw all my hard work away in a few days of binging! I am going to have to work on getting the treadmill that my friend is going to let me buy. It is amazing how just 10 days of not running and 3 pounds can make a girl feel like a fat sausage.

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